Fear shows up in all sorts of places, and I was reminded of this recently with an experience involving my daughter. For her seventh birthday, she wanted to get her ears pierced. She had been talking about it for a year, and when her birthday came, we had the appointment set. She sat in the chair, picked out her earrings, and then the fear set in.
Oh my goodness, the tears! ‘I don’t know, it’s going to hurt!’ she cried. ‘Mommy, Mommy, Grammy, Grammy,’ she called out, holding our hands tightly. The lovely lady piercing her ears, clearly experienced with this, was incredibly supportive. She handled the tears and fears with such grace. We were all there, supporting my daughter as she sat on the precipice of doing something she had wanted for so long. But now, she was terrified and had to decide.
I asked her, “What do you want more, my love? To get your ears pierced today for your birthday, or not? Are you going to let fear stop you from doing what you want?” She looked at me and said, “Mommy, I want my ears pierced.” With determination, she told the lady, “Do it.” And just like that, the earrings were in. Afterward, she said, “It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would,” and she was so happy she chose to do what she wanted despite the fear.
This experience struck me deeply. We often find ourselves in similar situations, facing big and small decisions where fear tries to hold us back. The joy and euphoria my daughter felt afterward, the celebration of herself for doing something hard, was a beautiful reminder of how often we make things out to be worse than they are.
Watching her that day taught me a lot about facing fear with determination. It reminded me of how I deal with fear, as it shows up all the time. We can get better at navigating our relationship with fear, but it often lingers in the background, a part of our survival mechanism. In my journey, I’ve learned that fear doesn’t go away. It’s there to ensure we’re safe, to make sure we’ll be okay.
A practice that has changed everything for me involves using a crystal or a rock. I used to carry a rock in my pocket, and now I keep one on my mantle. When I feel fear creeping in, I take out that rock or crystal, and I blow the fear into it. I acknowledge it: “Hi fear, thank you for being here with me and loving me. I know I’m about to do something that makes you feel really rough. You’re having a hard time, I can tell. So you don’t have to go anywhere. You get to sit right here next to me and watch. Just letting you know, I’m going to do the thing anyway, because this is what I’m here for. This is what I’m in devotion to. This is what I want more than I want to listen to what you have to say. So have a seat and enjoy the show because we’re doing this.”
This practice changed what I show up for. It changed my ability to speak in front of people, pursue my dreams, and have difficult conversations. Fear became my partner instead of something I ran away from. I made fear my ally. Everything can be our ally if we let it. Fear loves you and wants to protect you. By including it, by embracing all parts of yourself, it changes your reality and how you show up in the world.
So, my love, what are you afraid of? What is the thing you want to do but have been holding back on because of fear? How will your life change when fear becomes your ally? When you recognize that fear shows up when you’re about to do something big, something that can change your life, it validates that you’re on the right path. Embrace the sensation, welcome this part of you, and let it change your world.
What will you do when fear becomes your ally?
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