There are a lot of teachings at the moment that tell us our spiritual awakening and our spiritual journey should be filled with love and light and only good things. Yet let’s face it, sweet one. This is not the case.
If you are anything like me, then you know the truth. That it is really a down and dirty, everything burned to the ground, lose your sh*t kind of ride.
This is because once our eyes are opened to the knowing that there is more to our existence, they cannot be shut again. We can’t go back to the way we used to be, pretending and smiling and saying everything is fine and then continue to turn around and run headlong into our vices and addictions, so we don’t have to face ourselves or our lives.
As we awaken, the training wheels fall off, the veil lifts and we are left with the cold hard truth that if we don’t do something about our current circumstances then things are going to get REAL, real soon, and not in a pretty way.
For me, over the years as I traveled deeper on the path, my spiritual awakening rocked me to the very core.
I gave up my career, I moved houses, then States, I left my husband, I got in a car accident, at two different times my body hurt so much I couldn’t walk. I had two miscarriages, lost friends and loved ones, I lost and spent a ton of money, I had to renegotiate my relationship with my mom and my dad, actually I had to renegotiate ALL of my relationships, especially the ones with uncertainty and control.
I wept, I bargained, I begged, I screamed, I threw things, I lay on the floor curled up into a ball trying to find answers in the ever changing void. Very little did I laugh and feel joyful as my whole entire world caught on fire and everything crumbled around me.
Yet all the while I continued to stay true to the aching knowing within my being that all of this was taking me somewhere. Deep down, part of me knew that in order to go where life was pulling me, I couldn’t take anything from my old life with me. That the structures and safeguards I had erected over the years to keep me safe, did not belong where I was headed.
This shocking truth felt wild and unhinging, yet also in a strange way, comforting, because it gave me permission to be FREE and to follow the calling of my authentic self. And, so I did.
As the years unfolded and the dust settled, I landed in the territory of complete surrender. I experienced that there is a vastness and a greatness that exists inside all things, in each moment, upon every breath.
I am glad that the training wheels fell off, even if at the time the bumps and bruises felt harsh and unfriendly and as if they might crush me. I know now that they helped me to see a greater truth and live with a bigger purpose.
In the folds of the loving embrace of the Universe my awakening became a loving source of devotion. It allowed me to see life from a different vantage point, one that includes all of life, not just my limited understanding based on my wounding.
So sweet one, where is life calling you forward to embody your greatness as you fall head over heels into the abyss of your awakening? What is the aching truth of your being? The one that knows you are on this path for a purpose, that all is falling away because YOU need it to in order to live as you are meant to live.
I am here with you.
Are you willing to be held?
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