Near the beginning of my spiritual journey, I read the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, and many things in that book resonated with me during that time in my life. I felt like her words were specifically for me. I felt like she could see inside my heart. She could see the things I was hiding, the parts of me that I wasn’t okay with and wanted to hide from the world. What struck me the most was that she had millions and millions of copies of that book in print in multiple languages, yet it felt like it was written just for me.
It was the first time I realized that what I was experiencing was not my own burden to bear. I wasn’t the only person who felt this way, who faced these challenges, who had this deep, deep level of self-hatred. Back then, there was nothing about myself that I loved, let alone liked. I mean everything, all the way down to my fingernails, the way I walked, the way I spoke—I had no self-confidence. I truly believed that I was worth nothing.
I remember the first time I heard the word “shaman,” and some friends of mine were going to see a shaman. My thought was, “I can’t go, I’m not worthy. The shaman will take one look at me and want me to leave their office because I’m so broken. I’m so damaged that I don’t deserve to even be in their presence.”
I really felt that, deep in my heart. And now, all these years later, I am trained in and practice Shamanic Energy Medicine. I love a good cosmic joke and I love how the universe allows for such change in our lives, for such miracles to happen.
I often talk about how that deep, deep wounding became my very medicine for the world. The very thing I didn’t feel worthy of even being in the presence of is now a huge part of my life. And this is true for all of us. We are all here to take that deepest, darkest part of us and transform it into a gift for the world. The very things that you hide from, the very things that you consider wrong about yourself, that you don’t think are lovable—those are your medicine.
Those are the very things that your soul came here to expand into. They’re your gift to the world. Stop hiding them. Allow them to be part of your experience and recognize that they are just as valuable as the bright, shiny, sparkly parts that you show off to the world, the parts of you that you try to always live inside because you believe people will love you for them.
Yes, those parts are amazing too, and they’re no more valuable than the skeletons in the closet, the parts of yourself that you wish away, that you keep so tightly bound inside you. Those feelings, thoughts, and beliefs are the very things that will set you free. I know it feels so backward, but embracing these parts of you will bring freedom, light, and meaning to your life. If you allow them, if you turn towards them.
That is the first teaching of the Andean Medicine Wheel: having the courage to turn and face the darkness, to face the stories, to face the beliefs, to stop running. This is what Serpent teaches us, the archetype of the South. She teaches us to shed our past, the way she sheds her skin all at once, knowing she no longer needs it and that it is of no significance to her any longer. The past is done.
In every moment, you have the opportunity to choose who you are in this moment, irrelevant of what has happened before or what you perceive needs to happen next. You get to choose at this moment what is the truth of you and how you want to show up from this moment forward.
So, my love, what is the desire of your heart? What is the thing that you would do if you knew you couldn’t fail? If you knew that Spirit was supporting every step you take towards this thing that you so love? Remember, it loves you and wants you to succeed. What do you need to let go of? What do you need to stop doing in order to be who you came here to be?
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